Time bandit

I spent today in reflection, anticipation and some regret. Time seemed to stop today, something stole it hid it away, allowing me to spend the day in suspended animation, neither going very fast forward or spending too much time dwelling in the past. In some ways it was tranquil in our household but also it was amusingly loud and disturbing. All televisions were going, which is very, very unusual. Most often, no televisions are going. Sometimes, in the evening, three televisions will be going. One in our bedroom as my husband is watching a hunting or fishing program, one in my father's bedroom as he is watching his sport's program and the one in the green room that everyone else is watching. Today, all of the televisions were on and they were all on a different football game. They even had the cable hooked VCR projecting on the wide screen. Yeah, for four adults to wander from room to room, catching any game midway through. Sports central.

I spent the day reflecting on my future. Yesterday was spent mostly in tears. Tough choices having to be made, and I do hate being an adult. Today was spent happily contemplating what my decisions meant and how to proceed and getting rather excited as opportunities started unfolding. Of course, I made sure no bridges were burned this time, as I do sometimes burn bridges (hard as that may be for some to believe).

Without spilling beans too soon, I am excited about being part of something almost from its ground floor. I think it is something that is desperately needed in this community, be a force of good (ouch, that sounded like we were going to be a justice league or comic book crusaders or something) plus I will get to use some of my education before I lose it, permanently. It's someone else's baby and I only play a bit part, but it is a good role and will be fun and a lot of work. I hope I am up to it and not a disappointment.

I am not one for New Year's resolutions, mostly because if it is something everyone else is doing I don't want to do it plus, this isn't my new year, that happens March 21st so I don't need to worry about making lists that I will purposefully screwup on day two. Today, it did feel nice to wake up to 2008. I would like to travel more, worry less, enjoy what I spend money on more and spend it with my husband more often. I would like to love more often, be less angry but be more persistent in seeking answers and results.

Is a wish list the same as resolutions? Goals? Aspirations? Whatever. I hope it happens. Sometimes writing them down helps focus, sometimes it lets me see how stupid, naive or on target I am. Time will tell. Tick-tock, it appears time has started up again.