Seperate But Together

I read the local blogs and feel that I am a friend of the family, knowing so much personal information about them. They share a lot of family stories, inviting you into their lives. As an aside: personally, I don’t see NorthCoastOregon.com as a blog. Its sort of our own local Indy Media that Tryan took the initiative to find a way to bring to us after Portland’s Indy Media took away the coastal voice and just lumped everything that wasn’t Portland under "oregon and cascadia" and even then more than half the articles are still metro crap. NCO really filled that void Indy Media left gapping open.

I find that this blog isn’t just my story. It is the story of my family and my friends which can cover quite a lot of ground. I have been married twice and have stayed good friends with my first set of in-laws. We just celebrated Thanksgiving together, with them coming over to our home. They are a pretty large family. My own family, immediate and aunts, uncles and cousins and their families extends to about 1/16 of the county. My husband’s family covers another 1/16 of the county. Together, we are related to about an eighth of the people who were born and raised here. We tell the children that they really shouldn’t date anyone locally unless they have lived here less than 10 years. More than that and you still have a chance of them being someone’s exe’s children and that could just end up being awkward. I think its just plain old, well, for lack of another word, trailer trashy to be marrying your cousin’s ex. I think once someone’s been in and out of a family, its done. No one else in the family can marry them. Thanks for playing, Bob, take your door prize and go to the next game.

At what point do I guard someone else’s privacy? My favorite times have been with one of my loved ones, family or friend. What is my right to expose that moment? This is my quandary. I don’t want to betray a confidence that may be implied.

I think, for some, that might be why the blogs are anonymous. For others who write about just a specific thing (like a hobby or maybe a political or news blog) they might not be so personal. I feel, though, like what I have to bring to the table is my life. It just happens to be wrapped around, snake through, be entwined with, so many others. Sometimes, it feels like gossip.

One time, after an evening visiting with some close friends and their children, we were driving home and my son was sitting there rather sulkily, not joining any of the car songs. I asked him what was the matter? "You told that story, again!" he exclaimed in a pained voice. "Oh, but its such a cute story. I love telling it and we were with friends. There’s no reason for that story to embarrass you after all of these years." I rattled off excuses, rather irritated that we were having this conversation. "But its MY story," he replied, softly but firmly. He was about twelve and rather small for his age, but oh so serious and suddenly I flashed back to a time of hearing my aunt tell a story about me and how embarrassed and angry I was. It’s his story, he had claimed it, rightfully, to decide who would tell it and where it would be told. His to decide if it was to be told at all. At what point did that happen?

It is time for me to learn how to tell the story that is mine while leaving the story that is their’s to them. In the meantime, I hope they remember it is a learning PROCESS. Little by little, day by day! Remember, everyone is laughing with you, not at you!